She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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