1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Your penis caused this!
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