just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
