I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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