my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
