Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
