We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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