i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
