just survived the first fart of the relationship.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Randomize
