Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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