ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
