The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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