All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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