my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
