Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
