bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
