I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
