i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
