sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
