you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
