you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
