nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
