you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
