Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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