please come you make the beer taste better
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
