I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
