I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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