we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize
