Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
