I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
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