ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
