He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
