Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bondingš
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I donāt mind that heās uncircumcised. Itās the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
You told him he ācould park his dick in your garageā.
Well he didnāt. It shouldnāt be this hard to get a penis.
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