i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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