But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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