If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
this boner is exhausting
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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