so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
