I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Alive.
So much puke
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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