my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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