just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
