We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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