I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
