I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
