turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
