Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
