This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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