hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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