Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
This house was built for laser tag.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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