it's too hot outside to masturbate.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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