What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
