There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
