She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
