My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
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i think we sleep fucked last night...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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