I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
